Frustrations of a Single Mom

I’m sure what I’m about to mention is probably the song of generations of single mothers. What is it? The “_____ bought me a super-power-fighter-pirate-watergun-starwars-lightsabre-bubblegum-candy-dvd”. Do you know yet what I am talking about?

I feel a bit of annoyance after weekends when my children are “away”, and they return and my son spends the next 48hours telling me what so-and-so bought for him. or this so-and-so bought. or that s0-and-so bought. and “mommy, you need to get me one too.”

Arghhhhh.

I understand. I really do. There are folks/family members who, without a doubt, don’t get as much time to spend with my children. And I am VERY thankful that they are in my children’s lives, and give my children opportunities to go do things when I can’t…. and even give me (MOM) a break. I do not hold animosity when it comes to my children. and when my kids get an opportunity to spend the weekend at the beach, terrific!

But, I do worry, or get annoyed by what seems like frequent showering of toys or trips to toys-r-us, or buying this or that “at Sams”… yadda. And I am not concerned about “spoiling”. (Well, I don’t even really understand what “spoiling a child” is really supposed to imply.) and I am thankful, to tell you the truth that when I can’t afford to purchase a particular toy for my children, then someone is doing it somewhere.

My concern though, is making sure that my son, (and the girls), do not come to expect that people in his (their) life are a means to obtain goods. That’s all. So, when he tells me that so-and-so bought him the ultimate pirate sword, I act excited for him and ask him about it and he tells me that it can do “this” or “that”.

There was a period of about two months that every day when we would leave the kids’ preschool, Jackson would request that we stop at the receptionist’s desk and ask her for a sucker or sticker. It all started with a day that she had offered a “treat” from her drawer…. then suddenly Jackson would announce as we walked down the hall, “I’m going to ask Ashley for a sticker”… well, it became a daily habit, until finally I decided that the children should not expect these little gifts from Miss. Ashley. I mean, it seriously got to the point where Josephine would walk around the corner to Ashley’s desk, with her hand outstretched in anticipation of receiving a sticker. The kids, particularly Jackson, gave me some friction on repeated trials of my denying them the opportunity to stop at Ashley’s desk. And we’d get to the car and I explained very calmly that “we cannot expect a sucker (sticker) every day from Miss. Ashley. They are treats, and if we take one everyday then it’s no longer a treat.” And hooray, for mom! My persistence paid off. They no longer mention it when we leave their school. Phew. So, I just hope that this mentality can penetrate the rest of my children’s daily lives. Including weekends with relatives.

Certainly, ha ha, my oh-so-wise-guru-therapist would tell me that as long as I am holding up the values in a positive manner on my end that he, Jackson, will indeed grow up with exactly those values that I uphold/maintain/display for him.

(To tell you the truth, after just googling light sabre, and coming across this realistic version, not the wimpy plastic things at toys-r-us, it’s pulling at my own Star Wars heart strings….hmmm….maybe two of those should go on the Santa list…ha ha ha, yes it’s the light sabres that I hear about c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y, and pirate swords, or play guns…. the guns I will not allow in our house. period. light sabre I can make an exception for.)

I don’t remember now what my point was. oh yeah. My question over whether it’s a big deal. Not that it is, and I can’t change anything. All I can do is continue to parent my children “mindfully” and with love and direction, and most likely they will turn out alright.

You know, going back to the tangent about Miss Ashley and her drawer of goodies. I have thought on occasion about taking the kids to maybe the dollar store (or grocery) to purchase a sleeve of stickers or bag of Dum-dums to GIVE to Miss Ashley as a contribution to her drawer. Hmm.. I think I’ll follow up on that.